I talk to myself. A lot. The outcome of which is usually the same. I ignore myself and just carry on with life in the haphazard way that I have embraced since I started pretending to be an adult.
So as I stumble (almost drunkenly) to my 21st Diaversary on August 26th of this year I asked myself a question…..
Q – So, after almost 21 years of T1D, how are you doing?
A – Alright
Q – No. Seriously! How are you doing??
A – Be serious! You know I never take anything seriously!!
Q – Isn’t it about time you did?!!
A – Oh ok. If we are going to play at being adult then I’m doing ok. Ticking along ok.
Q – Good. But. Is ticking along ok good enough for the next 21 years?
A – What you mean????
Q – Are you ticking along ok, or a ticking time bomb?
A – Ah Shit. Good question…………
I had to let that one sink in for a bit. The constant childish belief that I am immortal and that nothing, including and especially T1D, will take me down is always one of the strongest thoughts at the front of my mind. Closely followed by “fuck it lets have a drink”. So I had to get past those first. Yes, after Id had a drink……
Of course the actually answer is YES, I could do with making a few changes, but haven’t I been here before? Oh yes. I have. In the run up to every Diaversary for the last 21 years!
Then what do I change and why will it be different? What will motivate me to stick at it rather than go back to old habits after a day or two?
This is how it’s been in the past:-
Think about your heath – I don’t need to. I’m Immortal!
Reduce the amount you snack – Sod off, I like food.
Cut down how much you drink – Don’t make me come over there and hurt you!
Exercise more (ok at all) – I would, but I’m too tired all the time (oh, and lazy)
Loose a bit of weight – Yeh, but I’d have to do all the above, and clearly that’s not happening……
So after almost 21 years (did I mention it’s almost 21 years?) I was forced to take a long look at myself, over a glass or two of single malt of course, as to what motivates me to actually do anything to improve my heath (given that I’m immortal). I have to have short term goals and see progress as I go. So getting in shape is out as it takes too long. Anyway, I’m already in shape. Round!
So what one thing would I like to change that isn’t in the above list of things I’ve tried before? Well. I do have high insulin resistance (1u of insulin drops me by only 0.7mmol). It’s been progressive over time and if it continues I’ll have more insulin in my system than blood. So maybe I can try to reduce that? How? A bit less snacking in the evening and eating less ready meals and processed food. I can see my Total Daily Dose on my pump every day and see progress day on day. Worth a go?
Well, I started a week and a half ago. In the evening if I’m close to my target of less than 80u per day I don’t snack. It’s working ok as I don’t want to “mess up” that days total. If I have a few units “to spare” then I have a small snack. Either way I’m snacking less. In the first week I reduced my insulin intake by 110u on the week before. As a result of snacking less and eating better food I’ve lost a couple of pounds in weight too.
If I can stick at this I hope that it will go full circle. Reducing TDD, reduces snacking, reduces weight thus reducing insulin resistance…….
All I know is that after almost 21 years (I know! Surprise!!) Type 1 Diabetes has never beaten me, and it never will. After all. I’m immortal…….
Live Long and Bolus